Hi, my name is Erin and I am a control freak (I’m a woman and a mom, of course, I am). What is my ‘hot button’ when it comes to control, you ask? Two years ago, I would not have hesitated and said, “Being on time.” In my pre-child mind, being late was almost the worst offense you could commit. Before I had my son, I was intolerant and irritated when someone I was meeting was late because it was ‘rude’. In fact, it was one of my top pet peeves and I had no problem sharing that fact with anyone and everyone.
I could not understand why several of my friends were never on time. In my mind, it didn’t matter that they had kids. I felt they should manage their time better. Looking back at all the time and energy I spent being bent out of shape and frankly a little bitchy, makes me think, “Oh you silly, stupid girl” and truly I would love to go back and wring my own neck. What a snob I was.
What happens to time when you have kids? It’s simple, there is no time when you have a kid, or at least “time” as you knew it, no longer exists. No matter how scheduled you make things there is never enough to get done what you would like to. That schedule on paper looks perfect and allows for all that you need to accomplish that day. When, in reality, that schedule is as useless as picking up toys while your soon-to-be two-year-old is awake; SO not going to happen.
It is not enough to have to get an entire other being fed, clothed, diapered and diaper bag stocked and ready, but you still must get yourself fed, clothed and ready to go. Again, sounds simple.
The reality is that your little angel is a phenomenal time sucker. After you get them ready and begin to get yourself ready, seemingly 275 “things” pop up that must be addressed. You begin by going to the closet to choose your outfit. After gingerly stepping past the minefield of toys that have been left on the floor and locating clothes that are cute, yet kid-friendly, in runs your little bundle of joy.
What happens next is a ten-minute fight/conversation (whatever you want to call it) as to why your child cannot hide among the clothes hanging in your closet or try on your shoes or play in the boxes of stuff you’ve been trying to sort through for the past two years. At the end of that conversation (if time permits) and accompanied by arguing or whining, you attempt some makeup and maybe even jewelry. This process also requires extensive discussion as to why you don’t need help AND why your child doesn’t need any mascara at this time.
Thirty, additional, minutes later you’ve managed to get yourself composed enough to get everyone loaded into the car and ultimately on the way to your destination. I kid you not, you are already ten minutes late, if not more. In non-toddler time getting dressed including jewelry and makeup took 20 minutes tops, or it did for me. The additional 30 minutes has now become the norm and I’ve accepted that. Because if you don’t you become Mommy Dearest and that is a whole other topic…
So, cut yourself and your friend some slack the next time you’re meeting for lunch and she is a little, or a lot, late and not at all bothered by that fact. She’s learned that time is not as important as her relationship with her kids and with you. She gladly endures the arguments and bruised feet (from stepping on that ONE Lego she didn’t see) to have some time with you. She chose to share her time with you.
Remember, neither of your time is more important than the others and you need to have a little grace for your friend’s tardiness. I guarantee you she is extending grace to you as well when you roll your eyes at her kid for spilling his drink or make flippant comments about how easy the life of a stay at home mom is because you “don’t work” (aka: my new hot button).
