With Valentine’s Day coming up, all things love and romance are in our faces. That got me thinking about love… what are we going to do for Valentine’s Day, my relationship with my husband (of course I’d think of that relationship first during this season of hearts and cherubs) and, furthermore, how we show love.
As I was listing the ideas for a gift for my husband, it hit me that he is not a gift guy and that I need to come up with something else for him. That train of thought led in several directions until I was thinking about ALL the people I wanted to show love and that they mean something to me. Follow that thought train a little further and BOOM: I realized that not only do I put stock in the idea of the five love languages but that they apply to more than just romantic relationships. I think they have a place in every relationship we have that has some significance in our lives. I also think that if we pay more attention to the “important” relationships in our lives and approach them with a specific love language in mind, they will become even more enriched.
The Five Love Languages are the way we demonstrate love and emotional connections:
1. Words of affirmation – to use words that build up
THIS. This one right here is how you speak to my heart. I do love me a gift every now and then, but if you take a moment to tell me you appreciate what I am doing or that what I have done was done well and gave some kind of meaning to your day, thoughts, life, whatever… I will be a happy girl. For whatever reason, kind words really lift me up. It’s a different feeling than looking for approval. I don’t need you to tell me you APPROVE of whatever it is, I need you to tell me you appreciate it and tell me how it made you feel – good, bad, or otherwise. It’s how I know you are paying attention to me and that I am important to you.
2. Quality time – giving someone your undivided attention
I have noticed that this really applies to grandparents. I think it’s because they have worked and done what they needed to in order to get to where they are in their lives, and at this point are looking to enjoy the people who are currently in their life. When my grandparents were alive, I never really heard them wish for anything. They seemed to be happiest when the family was around and they could appreciate the time we were spending together. I believe this to be even more true in this faster paced, highly connected time we live in. No matter how many Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter interactions we had, they seem to value the face-to-face time more. The reason I think this is not only because of my grandparents but because of my dad. He is now a grandparent and has retired. He doesn’t desire things or stuff just time with his family. It’s the connection of shared time and experiences that fills the soul with love.
3. Receiving gifts – at the heart of love is the spirit of giving, visible symbols of love
Now really, who doesn’t love a present? A trinket or token that makes you know someone thought enough about you to get you something. This extends beyond a birthday or Christmas gift. This is the “just because” or “it made me think of you” gift. Also, I think that you can include the act of GIVING gifts as well as receiving them as part of this language. My mom is a gifter. She can pick them too. She’s one of those people who are particularly perceptive at times and will walk in and give you something that will make your heart go, “Awwww”. On the flip side, she likes to receive gifts as well. Whatever it is doesn’t have to be anything huge or expensive – dropping a card in the mail that says “Hi” or “Thinking of you” is just as nice as a huge box wrapped in a pretty red ribbon. Just something that is tangible and lets her know she is thought of.
4. Acts of service – doing things you know the person you’re doing them for would like you to do
Yes please, come in and do my laundry!! That would be the most amazing act of service for me, today! We all have that person in our life who seems to be filled by doing. The first person I know that comes to mind is my sister-in-law. I’ve never met someone as selfless as she is. Even though she has a million things to do herself she will find the time to DO something for you. A friend of hers got hurt recently and she was the first to say, “Let me cook your family dinner”. There are not a lot of people out there that would be so quick to act. But, that is the way she shows love.
5. Physical touch – touching someone is a way of communicating emotional love and caring
This is a hard one for me, personally. I’m quite fond of the 2-3 foot boundary that most people naturally respect. I am not a touchy-feely person and I can’t really think of anyone I am close to whose love language is
Is personal touch your favorite or the favorite of someone in your life? If you applied these principles to your relationships, do you think they would improve? Sometimes, knowing what makes your people tick won’t only make them happy, but also valued and loved. Who doesn’t appreciate that?
I love this article. Brilliantly written.