This post was shared a while back from @mom.break and it gained a lot of attention and is still gaining attention. Originally, I identified with this post since juggling all things motherhood is something I struggle with daily. Yes, all of these things are hard and having so many people like, share, and comment on it confirmed for me that I am not alone in that. I am not the only one feeling the weight of these responsibilities.
Naturally, I read the comments and as the post continued to be shared the comments got a little… argumentative.
With any post on any social media platform, you chance someone having a different viewpoint and commenting about their differing opinions, experience, and so on. Reading through the comments made me think about how much motherhood has evolved over time and how open we have become, as a society, about the struggles we encounter in our lives.
One comment, in particular, created a chain reaction to this and I want to unpack it a little more. A woman, who appears to be in her 60s or 70s shared that her “mom raised seven of us and worked a full time plus job and never complained”. But does the fact that she didn’t complain mean she didn’t struggle? That she didn’t fail to eat properly sometimes?
After this comment, people basically lost their sh*t.
Motherhood has definitely evolved in the last 50 years, as everything else has, too. In 1967, the percentage of moms who stayed home with their children was 49%. And postpartum depression in the 1960s… there was no diagnosis and no support for those mothers. Read Gretchen’s story here.
Then, I started to think about how much has changed in family dynamics too. I can recall being at my grandparents’ house every Sunday for dinner. My great aunt lived on the same street and my grandmother’s cousin lived in the house directly behind hers. My dad talks of living on the same block as nearly all of his cousins when he was young. Think of the community and support that existed in these times. Families lived so close to each other.
Now, with jobs and costs of living in certain places, not all families can afford to live in close proximity to their relatives or they move far away for a different opportunity. Currently, my mother lives a good 35 minutes away, my father an hour away. My siblings range from 45 minutes to 3 hours away. The closest family member I have to me is my husband’s mother who is 10 minutes away, but that’s it. Not many people even have that. The only reason I know what is going on with my family members is a group text and social media.
Besides family, think about friends.
If you move to a new town after college due to a spouse or job opportunity, your circle of friends could be far away, too. My college friends are 1 hour, up to 6 hours away from me; my friends from high school are a good 45 minutes away. Maintaining friendships comes down to a group text and social media to stay connected. I can’t even think of the last time I saw some of my friends face-to-face.
With all of these shifts in parenting and family life, it does make you realize that in order to stay in people’s lives, you have to keep in contact with them. This is true for in-person relationships too, you rarely stop by someone’s house or run into them at the store anymore. Life has changed, evolved, and therefore the struggle has, too.
Out of the 10 Things Almost All Moms Struggle With, I think the one that has become clear from uncovering all of these shifts is “loneliness”, which then dominoes into all of the other struggles.
Some of us are lonely and that leads to not eating properly or staying calm during tantrums. When you’re lonely or down on yourself, how can you even begin to love your postpartum body?!?
I think what is bothering me most about the aforementioned comment is “and she never complained”.
As a counselor that one bothers me most because a lot of people suffer in silence and they do so, because of the stigma surrounding mental health. I would never want someone to keep their struggles in and have them build up to depression or unsafe thoughts because of the fear someone thinks they’re complaining.
So, we’ve decided it’s time for us to use this platform to better support those who are struggling with the complexities of modern motherhood. Are you a mom that feels lonely, struggles, or suffers in silence? We are here for you! We’ve decided to launch a community for all moms feeling these totally normal emotions and seeking support and community.
In our community, Lonely Mom’s Club by Ur Basic Mom, you’ll find support in this 24/7 mommin’ game. We support through humor, love, shared experience (aka bitching), and resources.
This group will not ever exclude any interested moms but is primarily focused on moms who are feeling lonely and searching for connection. You can join us, here.
If you don’t feel comfortable joining but you are struggling, please don’t hesitate to reach out to us by email or direct message. We are here for you!
