Postpartum Support

Chocolate Makes Everyone Feel Better

Birth demonstrates how incredibly strong women are. Postpartum reveals how extremely vulnerable women are. I did not expect the postpartum period to be as difficult as it was for me. I expected sleepless nights, but the emotional roller coaster of my brain transforming into a mother shocked my system. In addition to sleep deprivation; nursing struggles plagued my mind with self-doubt that I wouldn’t be able to feed my child. My arms felt like they were going to fall off, my lady parts were healing from tears, and my hormones were dramatically fluctuating. I can’t even fathom how moms in emergency situations process their trauma along with physically healing from c-sections. Our bodies enter survival mode as our mental sanity hangs on a thread.

Newborn week three was a pivotal turning point for me. I remember I sat in my living room at 3 am, the witching hour, crying because my baby could not drink correctly from my breast. She kept fighting at the breast, popping off, gulping down oversupply, and my nipple had a crack on it. Multiple people told me she had a tongue tie, but I hesitated scheduling an appointment because it was a surgery that would cause her pain. We drove 3 hours to get the tie lasered off, and her recovery took months. Nursing wasn’t happy, pleasant, or easy the first three months. I was very determined not to give up. You have to be tough and confident to decide to stick with breastfeeding even when it is painful.

Something else that I really struggled with in the postpartum period is the loss of identity. I was a hardworking teacher who worked every Saturday, summer, and until 6 pm. 

In the first weeks after birth, I prayed the hardest in my life. I felt like I learned all the life lessons mashed up together. I can’t believe how much patience, trust, hope, and faith it takes to get through the newborn phase. I held fast to Bible verses that talk about persevering through trials and reminded myself that this time will pass.

“Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3 because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. 4 Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. 5 If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.” James 1:2-5 NIV

I got through the newborn phase with the help of my family and friends. Thank God my parents and in-laws live nearby. I went to a postpartum support group in a neighboring town 30 minutes away. My heart aches for mothers who are recovering from birth with little to no support. Even though I’m still recovering from postpartum depression, I want to help people get through postpartum period. I gladly want to educate and share how I’m surviving motherhood.

One way I’m helping others is by applying to become a La Leche League Leader. For me, breastfeeding was the number one struggle for months after birth. I want to help mothers not give up on their choice to breastfeed. 

The second way I’m helping others is by donating clothing, slings, pumping equipment, and other baby items to friends, pregnancy centers, or maternity homes.  

The third way I am helping mothers is by joining Mom’s Club, which is a group with the purpose to uplift and encourage other moms. Recently, Mom’s Club hosted a meal train for a new mom and I had the opportunity to take a meal to a mom I didn’t even know this week.

Making someone else a meal was a big step for me. I barely have time to make meals for my own family, how was I going to find time to make something for someone else? I decided to go as basic as possible because you know we are basic moms here.

I made chili in the slow cooker, cornbread from a box, and brownies from a box. I upgraded the brownie mix by adding chocolate chips, putting it in a baking cup, using peanut butter as frosting, and a Hershey’s Kiss on top. In honor of National Chocolate Day, I even bought some candy and made a gift basket for the new mom. I found out she had 1 year old girl, so I threw in a book as a gift for her.

   The next day, I personally delivered the food and gift basket to the mom that I had never met before. We talked a bit and then realized we both shared something in common. We both were teachers who chose to be stay-at-home-moms.

She shared about how hard it was to adjust with her first baby from having a career to taking care of a baby. I struggled with the same thing. Similarly, we both missed our students and tried to go back to work for a couple weeks, but it didn’t work out. (Resigning from a teaching position is a big decision because your classroom kids feel like your kids, too.) The new mom told me that her second baby is much easier because her identity as a stay-at-home-mom was already established. For me, personally encountering a mom who went through the exact same thing lifted my spirits.

I hope the mom and her family enjoyed the food and treats. Motherhood takes every ounce of energy out of me and I just have one kid! Postpartum depression and anxiety affects a large percentage of women. The way I get through it is leaving the house every single day, joining clubs, and by helping other moms. We will get through this together. It’s challenging, but we are basic moms doing the best we can for our children.  

Note if you are suffering from postpartum depression or anxiety seek out a local support group, postpartum doula, or counselor. Postpartum Support International is 1-800-944-4773.