The Positive Side of Sending Your Kids to Daycare

Before having kids, I always preached to the world that it was NOT necessary for women to give up their dreams, their jobs, their identities, etc. in order to have children. I mean that is what daycare and preschool exist for, right?

Six months into my role as a finance manager with a Mazda dealership, I dabbled with the idea of a few other dealerships, then other positions entirely before ultimately falling into the role of stay at home girlfriend or house girlfriend, whichever you would prefer. I quickly got a raise to stay at home fiance, then housewife. I was clearly very talented and worthy of promotions.

When the pink lines told me that I was expecting our first child, it was obvious that I would be a stay at home mom. Obvious because I was already AT home and because that was the ultimate dream.

Not everyone has the privilege of choosing to stay home because they want to and choose to. Many are forced to because childcare is hard to find and IF you find it, it can be expensive.

The first year of stay at home motherhood was stressful and all-consuming, but being there with my little guy every day was also everything I could ask for. I loved it so much that fourteen months after he was born, we brought home his sister.

For the first four months, I struggled. Not because having two kids under eighteen months was necessarily harder but because they both needed me in different ways and the balance between the two was difficult. He required more structure, at a crucial age for learning and I was failing him by being slightly distracted by his new baby sister that required attention more frequently to survive.

With my husband’s very busy work schedule, living one and a half hours from my family, living two hours from his family, and no established friendships close by – the weight was on my shoulders. I had mom guilt over not teaching him more because I was taking care of her and guilt over not bonding with her more because I was playing with him.

After a lot of breakdowns, a lot of tears, and a lot of over talked conversations with my husband, we decided to explore daycares for my son – a few days a week with some other kids his age, learning and playing with them. This would allow me to bond with my daughter more attentively.

We set up visits to a few local daycares and after visiting the first one, we were settled.

We are a year and a half into our daycare, now turned preschool journey, even our daughter now attends with her brother. Below are what I have learned to be the biggest positives of enrolling your children in a daycare or preschool setting.

1. Socialization – While you may think that your children are establishing great relationships and social skills through a few playdates here and there, what you aren’t giving them is the freedom to make friends without you. At a playdate, you are there and your kids know that. They come to you for something every few minutes. My children have made friendships that they talk about at home, telling me the names of their friends and what happened in school with them that day. They are excited to get to school and see their friends. When we walk into my sons class, seven little kids shout his name in excitement because he arrived. Now my children will play with any kids they meet, anywhere we go because they learned how to approach new kids and make friends.
2. Learning to listen to other adults – My kids have never been terrible listeners, but they like to play the “how many times can we make mom say that before she starts to yell” game. With family members, they listen but still somewhat fight back at times. When a new adult, an adult with authority- a teacher- enters their lives, they learn to respect and listen to someone else. No matter how well behaved your kids are, they will always give some fight to you because you are their parent. Most kids do not give that same fight to teachers thus learning how to respect other adults outside of family.
3. Life skills – My son learned how to sit freely at a kids table with his friends for lunch and drink from a cup with no lid during his days at school. While I could have easily taught him these things as well, they taught him in a matter of a week (or less) because his teacher (whom he now knows to listen to) asked him to do something and he watched (visually learning) his friends do this and followed along. Seeing another child do something that is being asked of your child helps them to see what is expected of them. That is a way of learning you cannot accomplish at home unless you have older children to help set an example.
4. Immune system – Yes, daycares and preschools are a breeding ground for germs but do you know what? So is kindergarten. Whether your child gets repetitive colds now or in kindergarten – it is going to happen at some point. At least now when they get a cold, they become the cuddliest little still-fit-into-your-lap toddlers there ever was. Plus if they miss a day of preschool because of it, at least their attendance isn’t counted against them in the end.
5. Schedules – Children thrive on a schedule. Sending my kids to daycare on the same days, each week where they go and follow the same schedule at school has been lifesaving. I try to follow the same meal and nap schedule as the school so they have consistency thus allowing them to always know what is next.
6. Smooth transition to Kindergarten – I am in no way scared of sending either child to Kindergarten in a few years because they are not going to be in a shock. They will have both been away from me, all day, multiple days a week, with other adults and children. It will be just another year of school for them.

When I began sending my son to daycare, I cringed every time someone asked where he was and I had to tell them he was there. I was ashamed of sending one of my children to school while I was a perfectly capable stay at home mom. Eventually, I started to see how much he was growing from his time there and the guilt subsided.

Then in November, my daughter hit the same age that my son was when he started. My husband asked if she was also going to start, saying that he has benefited so much and so would she.

At first, I wasn’t sure what my role would be if my children were BOTH in daycare/preschool throughout the week. How could I be a stay at home mom with no kids at home? I began to feel the shame repeating itself. I did not know what my identity would be without them there. I was relying on them to define me.

It has been three months since my daughter began attending the 18-24-month-old program. She now lists off names of toddlers in her class when asked who her friends are. She too can sit at a table, drink from a cup without a lid, she learned to sit for circle time, and she is excited to go into her classroom in the morning.

I have two days a week on my own while they both go to school which gives me the opportunity to have some ‘mom time’ whether that means cleaning the house, going shopping, running ALL the errands, or doing nothing – it is my time to focus on the things that sometimes take away my attention from the kids. They have an alternating schedule so two days a week I have just my daughter and one day a week with just my son, while the other goes to school. This has been benefiting for my relationship with each of my children as they are growing up and becoming little people.

Whether you are a working mom, stay at home mom, work from home mom, or just a mom who needs some time to herself – please know that despite what the media sometimes says, despite what many mom shamers sometimes say – your children will thrive in a different environment. You are not a bad mom for sending your kids to daycare or preschool instead of keeping them tied to you until kindergarten. Not everyone parents the same and THAT. IS. OKAY.

For us, without having a babysitter to call on when I need to run an errand or want to take my son to movies or my daughter to lunch – daycare and preschool act as a babysitter. A more expensive babysitter that actually teaches my children instead of sitting on my couch, eating snacks, and going through my stuff.