Disclaimer: If my child received one, I would probably cry and take pictures, too.
BUT, to view this in an unbiased way, I have to ask…why are we giving children rewards for DOING WHAT THEY ARE SUPPOSED TO BE DOING ANYWAY? With my older daughter in school, I am beginning to see that children receive awards for just about anything.
“Good job coming to soccer practice, regardless of how many times you showed up or how well you played.”
“You helped someone pick up the crayons that they dropped? Way to go! Here’s an award ceremony AND a certificate!”
I even find my children at home looking for similar validation. Just last night, my youngest held up her bowl of mac and cheese (that I had been repeatedly asking her to finish) and proudly exclaimed, “Look mommy! I’m eating my dinner!” So, I responded, “Good job doing what you are supposed to be doing.” Yes, my 4 year old doesn’t understand sarcasm and I did explain what I meant by that, but I can understand why children look for that validation when they are constantly rewarded for it in other places.
This idea even spreads to older children. In my high school classroom, I gave my class a reading period. Some were trying to talk and avoid the assignment, and one student in particular held up his book and said, “Look Mrs. Witty, I’m reading!” Again, another moment where I thought, “good job doing what you are supposed to be doing.” Shouldn’t you do your assignment and be rewarded by getting good grades? Why must there be some public display of attention to acknowledge it?
I do love the idea of acknowledging a kind deed, but for children to learn that they will get something out of it, like some tangible item, I feel it just takes away from why they should be doing the deed in the first place. How do we then acknowledge kindness? Do we have to? Or, do children need to simply learn from example? On the flip side, what about the kids who are kind every day and become discouraged because they don’t get the reward? I don’t have the answers here, but when children purposely do a kind deed seeking a reward, it makes me wonder if we are really helping or hurting them.
To add, I’ve spoken to some of my mom friends about this article. Honestly, I was hesitant that I would receive some backlash, especially knowing that their children had either received kindness awards and/or the good old participation certificates. However, I was surprised by the number of moms that could appreciate and relate to my feelings. Some moms felt that their children had been overlooked for kindness awards and that the not-so-kind children would receive them to encourage them to be nice to others, while the student that was consistently sweet would fly under the radar. Others felt that politics had a hand in choosing the children for the awards as well. Again, it makes me wonder who these rewards are really for and i they are serving their outward purpose.
What do you think? Does your child’s school reward behaviors that you feel are expected? How do you combat this at home to teach kindness for the sake of kindness? Please let us know your thoughts in the comments!
