“Everything is good, thanks!”
You’ve probably said this to someone when asked how things were going early on in your motherhood journey. Their intentions were sincere. They, maybe, expected you to say “good” or even “great.” However, if a fellow mom is asking you, she’s probably expecting an honest reply.
If I asked another mom how it was going and all I got was “good” or “great”, I’d call bullshit. Why, oh why, can’t we be honest with each other.
NO NEW MOM IS DOING GREAT. NO NEW MOM IS GOOD.
We are tired. We are wearing the same leggings for the past two days (at least). We are living off of coffee and the unconditional love we have for our child(ren). Oh, and most likely our hair has not been washed and probably has dry shampoo in it (maybe).
Of course, we get better at managing the above hygiene concerns as time goes on, but in the early days, things are rough. Having a baby or adding a baby to one’s family is exhausting. You question EVERYTHING. After having my first son, I joked with my friends that I felt like a teen mom. I was NOT a teen mom, I was thirty. But, that’s just it. I felt unprepared and questioned my capabilities on the daily.
But don’t we all do that?
To tell you the truth, I’m not sure. BECAUSE NO ONE IS HONEST ABOUT THEIR POSTPARTUM JOURNEY! Everyone is ‘good’. Some are even ‘great’. Why are we afraid to keep it real? What is wrong with telling someone how you’re really feeling or what’s really happening to you? When we don’t keep it real and honest, people start to question their experience.
This might be TMI, but I’m gonna put it out there because NO ONE EVER PREPARED ME FOR IT!
After having my first son, they sent me home from the hospital with the stretch underwear, a handy squirt bottle, tons of giant pads, numbing spray and witch hazel pads. I figured I’d have to make my postpartum diapers for a couple of days maybe? I was totally guessing. No one told me it was at least a couple weeks of recovery down there. Going to the bathroom was a process.
But, no one prepared me for that. Sorry, I tried to warm you. TMI.
Delivery stories aside, because our high school health classes failed us miserably, is there shame in not being on your A-game with kids? Why are new moms striving for perfection? For me, I’d rather be relatable and show my faults, than have people think everything is wonderful.
What does that do for other mamas? Perfection in motherhood is unattainable, and there’s nothing wrong with that. But, putting that image out there doesn’t help other moms. The immaculate house, the perfect pantry, the spotless kitchen, the amazingly organized walk-in closet, the… okay, I’m running out of adjectives, but you get the point.
We start to compare ourselves to these images and when we don’t match up, we get down on ourselves. There are so many things to feel bad about as new moms, we don’t need another thing added to the list.
I propose a #RealMomMonday where we put pics on our social media of what is really happening. For instance, I’d take pics of all the laundry baskets currently surrounding me and the giant hairballs from my 75 lb. Golden Retriever that fly around my house, especially when the air kicks on. Show the messy hair, makeup-free, tired eyes selfie. No dog ears or IG filters.
Keep it real so other moms know what your life is like, that it’s also real.
