Why hello my least favorite Hallmark holiday.
I don’t like Mother’s Day. This is two fold. Stick with me, it will be worth it.
My mom died a little over 13 years ago. You would think it would get easier.
Newsflash. It doesn’t.
The person who gave me life isn’t even here so I can celebrate her. I think it has become worse with the prevalence of social media. Everyone shares their moms and moms with their grandkids. I am happy for others, I am.
On Mother’s Day and the days surrounding it, I just feel like my face is shoved into it. Hence around Thursday/Friday I stay off Facebook and Instagram and whatever social sites are on my phone. Most of the time I ignore my phone with the exception of my family. My dad and sister and my aunt. Those are the people I can tolerate. Sometimes not even my dad because we have such a complicated relationship. So I just avoid everyone.
I used to go to the beach to find some peace with this day. Each passing year it’s gotten more difficult since I have 3 kids ranging from 2-7. My husband hates the beach so he won’t go. That’s out. I try to do something to commemorate her. I try to make the best of it.
Sometimes though, you have to realize you do not have to make the best of it. You can be sad, angry, hurt, feel all the feelings and that’s okay. I am so tired of people invalidating my feelings. You can feel how you feel. That’s okay. Sit with those feelings and feel them. Take the time to process through those feelings. Do not let anyone tell you otherwise.
I am angry that she didn’t seek treatment sooner.
I am sad because she doesn’t get to be the amazing Earth grandma to my babies.
I am jealous of everyone who still has a good relationship with their mom.
I am happy for people who get their mom.
I am hurt that people don’t realize how much the loss of a parent can affect you years later and grief is always there.
I am grateful for the time I did have with her.
I have so many feelings and not enough words to describe them. It’s bittersweet. I had a wonderful mom. She made me a good person. She molded me into who I am. I would be a different person without her.
That’s part of the reason I don’t like Mother’s Day. The other part is my husband doesn’t seem to care for it either.
Today he comes in and says he is probably working Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. On top of his regular four 10 hours days. Plus he is going to school at night. So it’s been me holding the fort down at night, too.
I wanted a break. A day to craft, a TV show marathon, and relax. Since I can’t get any pampering done this year anyway, I feel like a day isn’t too much to ask. I was going to stay up late Saturday night (by late I mean like 11 because I’m an old lady). I just want some peace to process my feelings. Instead I’ll be wrangling my 3 minions alone this weekend and ordering takeout.
Every year Mother’s Day is last on his priorities. This year I called him out. Why do we get to go on a 5 day lake trip over Father’s Day weekend and I can’t even get one day? I pointed that out. He said we aren’t really celebrating Father’s Day at the lake. Oh okay, whatever. You’re telling me when you’re drinking all 4 days, you’re not going to say well it’s Father’s Day weekend.
Well I am going to get a redo. I am going to plan myself the weekend I want. In September I have plans with my BFF from out of town to stay in a hotel for 5 days and I refuse to feel guilty. My husband can take the time off and make it work like I always do for him.
Moms, treat yourself. If you aren’t getting the day you want, make it happen. If you have lost your mom, take the time to sit with your feelings. If you’re estranged from your mom, do what makes you feel better about that and process your feelings, too. Do Mother’s Day however it works for you.