I travel with my kiddos a lot. We’re an unconventional bunch, making our home in several different places every year. That means that most days, we’re the new kids on the block, and we’re always trying to make new friends. Recently, I met two moms that made me think about just how much we all need each other – no matter what age our kids are, how we choose to educate them, where we live, how much we travel, or whether we work or stay at home full-time.
These moms were complete opposites – like Day and Night.
Day mom breezed into our conversation with a short, snippy voice, mentioning the intricacies of her family life and how interesting and accomplished everyone was within the first few moments of our conversation. Night mom sat down quietly next to me with a soft, sweet southern drawl and started asking questions, easing into both of our families’ stories with a simple, quiet grace. After just a few exchanges with Day mom, I could feel the competitive spirit radiating from her, and I had a sense that she wasn’t going to accept me unless I asked her to teach me something from her expert locker. After just a few moments with Night mom, though, I felt encouraged, uplifted, and optimistic, like I wanted to be friends with her for the long haul.
When our conversation turned to the tough seasons in life, Day mom responded with, “It is hard for some people, but we just…” while Night mom said, “That must be really hard. I can see why you guys feel the way you do.” Day mom said, “Oh, that happened to me too, and I just…” while Night mom said, “Man, that’s hard. I’ve tried a couple of things, and here’s what has worked best for us so far…”
And I wondered how many times I’ve been more like Day mom than Night mom, and it made me cringe.
Similar conversations probably happen to all moms, regardless of the ages of their kids, but for whatever reason, these two encounters reminded me that I’ve entered into a new season, a new club of sorts – the moms of teenagers group. And another realization quickly followed: we really need each other – maybe now more than ever.
The moms of teenagers club isn’t exclusive – we’ll all be there one of these days. We don’t have quite as many food stains and spit-up spots on our shirts, but we don’t get to wake up to soft, chubby cheeks and sticky, sweet hugs either. Sleep is no longer a stranger to us, and no one knocks on the bathroom door looking for us every time we pluck our eyebrows. Instead, we’ve got mood swings, brooding silence, and deep intellectual debates to keep us company.
We love and enjoy our teenagers just as much as we loved and enjoyed our babies, but we sure do have to stay on our A-game and be ready to explain every little decision we make. So, the last thing we need is competition and criticism from our mom friends.
We need to know you’re human, that your family isn’t perfect, that we’re not the only ones dealing with teenager stuff.
We’re not new to the game; we’ve got some experience under our belts, and while we may not need quite as much help as we did when our kids were babies, we need each other now more than ever.
We still get lonely.
We still get discouraged.
And we still need mom friends who care.
None of us has it all figured out – not even the ones who look and sound the most confident or strive to give the most advice.
Some of us are hurting or going through something tough at home that we may never be able to talk about. Some of us are carrying a load so heavy we can barely breathe. And some of us are bored, disillusioned, and frustrated with our current season of life, looking for someone to encourage us, activate us, and empower us to step into our best selves.
Whatever the case, we all need each other, and the more we lean into one another and come alongside each other, offering a smile, a hug, a listening ear, and a word of encouragement rather than a snicker, a whisper of gossip, or a peek into an exclusive clique, the better we’ll all be.
A part of me wants to avoid Day mom and just hang out with Night mom more, but I’m learning that’s how those unhealthy cliques start. Besides, I bet if I lean in close to Day mom and get past our rough start, I might find someone who needs a friend like me.
So, the next time you meet a new mom friend, open your circle, smile, be nice, and let her in, especially if she’s the mom of a teen. She needs you, and you need her too.
