Whether you’d like to admit it or not, we’ve all judged other moms at least once in our lifetimes. Maybe you were single and nowhere near having children, or a new mom, or pregnant when you did it. In any case, we’ve all been a judgy mom at one time or another.
I’ve done it. I’ve done it more times than I care to admit. The bulk of my judgements on the ways other people parent, though, were well before I was a mother myself—or even in a serious relationship.
Motherhood is not only one of the greatest joys we as women can experience, it’s also the most massive wake-up call you can experience—in every sense. So, I am here today to purge all of those terrible judgements I passed that have weighed on my mind for far too long.
“My kids will never eat junk like hot dogs and macaroni and cheese.”
Oh, yes they will. Sometimes daily. Sometimes you’ll eat it with them. Sometimes you’ll even *gasp* go through the McDonald’s drive thru—and worse—that’ll be the healthiest your kid eats all week. When your children reach that frustrating stage of toddlerexia (when they eat less than a mouse, and you ask yourself how are they possibly surviving on nibbles of food), you’ll feed them anything. ANYTHING. You start becoming the food pushing Italian mamma you swore you’d never be. Also, for you working moms who are killing the mom game, and who are freakin’ exhausted from being Superwoman all damn day, guess what? Mac and cheese takes like, 10 minutes at most to cook, and a hot dog can be microwaved for 25 seconds. VOILA! Dinner.
“My kids will never look at iPads or phones at the dinner table.”
This was emphasized specifically when I would witness parents out to dinner or brunch with their children. Now I get it, and I’m so sorry. I’m the mom that brings not one, but two tablets to every restaurant. I even charge them fully the night before and download any movies that they’ll watch without getting bored (looking at you, “Moana”). Because guess what? Going out to restaurants with children can be—putting it mildly—stressful AF. This is especially true if you’re also dining with your single friends you haven’t seen since 2014 (who don’t get it), or your significant other who you haven’t talked to since 2014, or even your mom friends (who are just attempting to be a person like you are).
Sometimes you just need to eat your overpriced eggs benedict in peace. And by “in peace,” I mean without little hands grabbing salt shakers, butter knives, spilling water glasses and chewing and spitting carrots on the floor for fun. Disclaimer (you know, in case you’re judging me right now): I try to use the tablets as a last resort for ants-in-the-pants kids when coloring the placemats have become boring or they’re trying to break out of the highchair.
“I can’t believe they named their kid that.”
Listen. If you want to tell me you’ve never passed judgment on a baby name, I call BS. We all have. Now, as far as me, I didn’t get too experimental with the kids’ names, but I did name my younger son after my Italian-born dad, whose name is pretty ethnic. I can totally see how people could side eye me. Ok, maybe not the same way I side eye people who LITERALLY MAKEUP NAMES or make name mashups that sound ridiculous (am I doing it again?). But, what I’m trying to say is—name your kid whatever you want. Who really cares? My name is Jessica and it was THE most common girls name the year I was born, and subsequent years after that. I’m a dime a dozen. Whatever.
“I’m never going to tell my kids to stop feeling what they’re feeling.”
Yeah, unless he’s having his 5th full blown sobbing tantrum about pants that morning.
“I’m never going to raise my voice at my kids.”
Ha.
“I’m never going to leave the house looking unkempt.”
Not only have I not put on a bra for school drop off yet this week, but my kids are actually freaked out when I do get dressed in clothes besides athleisure and put makeup on. “WHERE ARE YOU GOING MOM?” “Mom, what happened to your eyes?” “Mom, can you put your hair up in the circle again?”
“I will never drive a mom car.”
Um, my Ford Flex is the lap of luxury and ya’ll are just jealous of my sprawling driver seat and third row. I can still blast The Killers on the way home from a solo grocery shop because you can’t see all the old sippy cups hidden under the seats.
Wow, that feels good to get out. Motherhood is so many amazing things, and it’s also sobering, eye-opening and humbling. It wasn’t until I became a mom that I realized what other moms and dads have gone through just to raise these tiny people into functioning contributors of society. Sometimes that requires a hot dog and a tablet and so what? We’re all doing our best.
