I am currently 17 weeks pregnant and I have two girls (ages 7 and 4). After people hear that my third baby is also going to be a girl, the most common reaction is, “Oh, well that’s okay.” The tone is of disappointment and pity and usually followed by, “as long as it’s healthy.” I’m not sure why others are disappointed when I am not….ya know, the one carrying the baby?
Another extremely common follow up to hearing that it’s “yet another girl,” is, “so, are you going to try for the fourth?” As if a third girl is a punishment rather than a blessing. My favorite response is this one, “Oh poor Kyle.” Kyle is my husband for those that don’t know. And yes, my poor husband…surrounded by women…I guess that’s so terrible?
My response is simply this: “We were trying for a third baby, not for a boy or girl.” I find myself having to defend me and my husband’s very personal decision about how big we want our family to be. I will note that I don’t think people have malicious intent with these remarks. Some of these very people have been friends, family and even my healthcare providers, however, I don’t think they realize how they come off when they say these things.
I also want to note that I’m not the first person to receive these comments. I know people in opposite situations that have two boys for example, and are asked if they are going to, “Try for a girl.” Or, I have friends with one child, and they don’t want to have another, or can’t have another. What’s wrong with having one child? There seems to be a notion that the perfect family consists of having one boy and one girl. Yes, I see the excitement in that…getting to experience raising both genders. But, does that define a perfect family?
I’ve learned that growing up, we have these notions of what our lives will be like and as we grow, we learn that life doesn’t always work out that way. But, what I’ve grown to understand is that everything happens for a reason. Just because one person thinks a perfect family consists of one boy and one girl, another person might believe that they must have 2 boys and a girl, or all boys or all girls. Everyone’s vision of happiness is different and just because it’s planned out in your head, doesn’t mean it’s going to end up that way.
This all comes down to simply being happy for one another, and not pushing your own ideas of happiness on others. And, for my situation, it also comes down to respecting and praising women.
Why is it so bad to have all girls? Haven’t we come further than this?
Instead, though, of harping on the answers to those questions, I am going to focus on raising strong, independent women with the self-worth to be happy with whoever it is that they want to be.
