I Guess I’m Polyamorous: The Story of One Mom’s Liberating Realization

I am such a fucking cliche. Bored housewife flirts with ex-boyfriend to feel better about herself and bites off a whole hell of a lot more than she bargained for. What a fucking plot twist. 

I am a 38 year old married woman. Like almost everyone in America, I was raised in a typical dysfunctional 90’s family. They preached things like abstinence and monogamy, while definitely not having practiced those things themselves. I grew up and settled down after an extended ho phase. I got married and had a bunch of crotch goblins. The thing is, no matter how much I loved my husband and our sex life, I constantly found myself attracted to other people. I kept that shit on the down low, I didn’t want my husband to feel inadequate, because I felt that obviously there was something wrong with me.

My husband and I are not together but until recently we still had a lot of sex. I also happen to be dating the ex- boyfriend I mentioned above. This isn’t just any ex. This is the sensitive, dreamy, artist ex with a golden tongue – who just happens to also be my first boyfriend ever. The boyfriend that I subconsciously harbored surprisingly intense feelings for over the past twentyish years. Oh, did I forget to mention that he is married and lives five hours away with his wife, who is fierce AF? She’s in the know, BTW, and she’s cool with everything.  

I honestly don’t know what it is about this guy. Sometimes, I wonder to myself if he’s secretly voodooing me behind my back – because holy intense chemistry Batman! Like, you know how in movies, the leading loves are drawn together by some irresistible invisible force? That’s totally us. For whatever reason, we click and it’s magic. Not only does he speak my vagina’s language, but he’s able to captivate and stimulate my mind. When he turns on his charms, he is nothing short of mesmerizing. He frequently talks about how he loves characters that are juxtaposed within themselves. Obviously it’s because that’s who he is as a person, himself. He is very much the human embodiment of a Sour Patch Kid. At first glance, you may mistake him as sour. He can be brash, opinionated, and sort of overwhelming. But once you get to know him, he opens up this unexpected sweet side. He is very much a strong, self-assured, grown ass man now, but sometimes there are still glimpses of that kind, sad, and vulnerable boy that I used to let fingerbang me in cemeteries.

If you’ve never had the pleasure of fucking an intense, confident, artsy guy, who has a strong desire to please you, and insane manual dexterity; please stop reading this and go get you some of that. The. Sex. Is. Fire. It’s fucking bonkers. As in sex that changes your life perspective (Hallelujah) in the best possible way. When we mash our genitals together, the planets align and cosmic shit happens. It is lusty and unbridaled, and scratches an itch that I didn’t even know that I had.

Life is crazy. Because I chose to send a DM randomly, everything about my life has changed. I’m now on a completely unknown trajectory, and sometimes I’m totally freaking out about it. The thing is, life is fucking short. It’s too short to settle for mediocrity. So, I’m making the the tough choices and trying to focus more on the bomb sex, than the massive mountain of unknowns that continually taunt my anxiety. 

While I am sad about the ending of my marriage, I am excited to move forward living more authentically. I recognize now that there isn’t anything wrong with me. I just love differently than some people. I am polyamorous. I believe love is infinite. I believe that with a lot of communication and openness you can successfully maintain relationships with more than one partner. I also believe that I’m about to experience one hell of an adventure, and I can’t wait to share it. 

Psychology Today defines polyamory as “consensual non monogamy with emotionally intimate relationships among multiple people that can also be sexual and/or romantic partners.” Though polyamory is treated as a dirty little secret in many circles, it may be more prevalent than you expect. It’s estimated that 5% of Americans are polyamorous. Studies also show that  20 percent of people have attempted ethical non-monogamy in their lives. If  you would like to learn more about polyamory, check out More Than Two.