As an introvert, I need peace and quiet to collect my thoughts. I struggle with walking through the door and jumping right into mom mode after interacting all day long with people. As someone with anxiety, I get overwhelmed very quickly when there are a lot of people vying for my attention or people talking to me all at once. I struggle to focus on one conversation when there are side conversations happening.
It is very hard to parent as an introvert when you want to come home and have solitude. My home used to be my sanctuary of peace and quiet and now with 3 children under 7, I struggle. I need that balance. I need to be able to enjoy the home I worked hard for in peace.
You may be thinking, “Wait, how can you enjoy your home without your children?” It is easy. I crave a safe space where I can be myself and not be needed. I need to be able to collect my thoughts. You also might think, “Is this woman depressed? Why would you want to be alone?” While, yes, I do struggle with major depression and generalized anxiety, mine isn’t isolating at home. I avoid social functions. I am comfortable in my home and being alone. I love to sit back and admire the home I have worked hard to create. Admire the pictures, dive into a good book without disturbance, enjoy my TV, and lounge in my comfy clothes.
I see extroverts (as I’m married to one) recharge by spending time with friends and family. It is funny to me that our society deems that as appropriate and therefore we deem being alone as a “hermit” or “anti-social” (also, anti-social is not meant in the way of the mental health diagnosis of Antisocial Personality Disorder). Think about it. When we see people eating alone or going to the movies alone, more times than not, we feel sorry for them. As an introvert I actually enjoy that.
I dream about getting a hotel room for the night and just sleeping and watching tv and sleeping some more. No talking, no human interaction. Does that make me a monster? Does that mean I hate my family and friends? No it just means I need to recharge.
Talking to people drains away my batteries slowly. The more I engage, the more exhausted I get. The more self reflection and discussion of my growth, the more tired I get. I check out when I can’t charge my batteries. Would you let your car battery die? No you wouldn’t. You would replace it. It is the exact same concept. No one needs the same thing to recharge their batteries. For extroverts maybe it’s being around a lot of people. For introverts maybe it’s being home alone, or with a good friend. I know I have a best friend and she would come over with her dog. We would sit and watch TV and play on our laptops and not really talk. It was perfect. When we did want to engage, we did. We were able to respect each other’s need for space but we also needed the support as both our husbands were deployed.
Another example is when I went to a family birthday party and I had no mental or emotional capacity to interact. I offended my spouse’s family and friends. I also had a 6 month old baby and had started a new job that I hated. I couldn’t deal with anything else. But if I said I need to stay home and care for my emotional health, that’s not okay. If I’m sick, that’s different.
I ask everyone – please don’t judge someone when they want alone time. For spouses or significant others of introverts, when your introverted spouse or significant other says that they need some down time, respect that. The same goes for friends and family. Respect that person when they tell you what they need.
