When you think about the birth of your children, would you describe labor as peaceful, relaxing, or comfortable? What about words like traumatic, excruciating, or intense? Did you go into labor scared or anxious? Or brave and confident?
When I asked fellow moms to describe their birth and labor in a few words they used these words:
“Utter torture”
“Ring of fire, fast”
“Negative on first, but better on the second”
“Hell”
“Fast”
“Perfect”
“Pure craziness”
“Painful, lonely, dark”
“Calm, deep, unworldly”
“Empowering, soul shifting, sacred”
“Challenging”
“Amazing, Intense, Homebirth”
“Transformative”
“Healing, transcendent”
“Proud of myself”
“Holy Moly”
“Traumatic expecting and hoping for better”
“Afraid but wiser”
This month marks the one year anniversary of my baby’s birth. The emotions are boiling over as I reminisce about how my own baby entered this world. The words that I would use to describe my birth and labor are: peaceful, empowering, and grounding.
I went into early labor with my baby girl at 39 weeks on a Sunday afternoon. I didn’t have an urge to nest, so I had no idea my baby was going to come sooner than I thought. I felt lethargic, hungry, and just wanted to sleep. Mid-afternoon, we went to Olive Garden because I was starving. My friend and I were both pregnant so we barely fit into the booth at the restaurant. I ate zuppa toscana, which I didn’t even realize was spicy (another labor inducing trick). I started contracting as I walked around Target picking up some giant pads/disposable underwear for after birth. Thank God we got those in time. Car rides were always miserable for me during pregnancy. The drive home from Target was almost unbearable–every bump in the road was uncomfortable. I came home and just laid down in my room to listen to my Hypnobabies audio tracks.
I still thought my contractions were Braxton Hicks. They remained inconsistent and hard to track on the contraction app. Around 5pm/6pm I contacted my midwives about irregular contractions. They told me to do Miles Circuit. This is a series of exercises to get the baby in the optimal position for delivery. Contractions started picking up in the evening. I still was in disbelief that it was actual labor. I listened to my Hypnobabies tracks and just remained calm that evening.
At 10pm/11pm I called my midwives again because the contractions were lasting a long time. They came over at 12am to check on me. Right when my midwife walked in the door, I started puking in the toilet. I probably looked up with with pale, helpless look on my face. I was nauseated too so every time I stood up I threw up. I think I threw up every hour for most of the night. I couldn’t even keep water down. Gently they informed me that if I wanted to I could go to the hospital for fluids. As I was sitting on the bathroom floor I said, “I understand you are concerned, but I can handle this.”
They informed me the baby wasn’t positioned correctly and made me do the Miles Circuit properly. Try holding child’s pose through a contraction! I showered at one point too. I can’t remember the early morning. The labor became a blur postpartum. I may have been in hypnosis. I may have been in a special safe place in my mind. All the lights were out except for an orange glow from a salt lamp. I was in child’s pose or on my left side with pillows in between my leg.
Contractions, in my memory, felt like bad menstrual cramps. I knew they hurt, but I knew they were manageable. So if you ask me if birth is painful… I can’t exactly say I felt the pain that is depicted on television shows. I have the water birth to thank for that. The last hour I hopped in the warm tub-which was a horse trough. Yes, I gave birth in a horse trough. As soon as my back hit the water, my pain vanished. It felt so good. The only actual pain that I remember was her hand in front of her face. That was a sharp pain from a little tear (no stitches required). Apparently pushing a baby out with a nuchal hand is an admirable thing according to my midwives. Pushing a baby out in any position that’s not ideal is admirable. Props if you birthed a sunny side up baby or breech!
During labor, I didn’t want to be interrupted. The lights were out, I started out listening to hypnosis tracks, but towards the end I took the earbuds out. I didn’t even call my parents to tell them I was in labor. While I was pushing in the tub, my in laws walked in the front door unannounced. I was in a separate room, so they didn’t interrupt me. They just heard me moaning the word peace 50 times. They left and came back later.
Pushing was my favorite part, by the way. I didn’t want to push. I wanted my body to push it out for me without coaching. The baby started crowning and my midwives told me to reach down to feel her head. That was a surreal experience. Through contractions I breathed and moaned PEACE. That point was transformative and I mustered up my strength to bring my daughter into the world.
She was immediately placed on my chest and her grey blue eyes were open looking around. She wasn’t crying, just looking at the world. Her lavender body gradually turned light pink as she stayed warm on my chest. I sang to her. I told her to breathe. I shouted, “Where’s my husband?!” He was directly behind me the entire time. I told him, “Go call my mom.”
With the help of my midwives, I got cleaned up and laid in my bed. Oh, it felt so good to be at home in my own comfortable bed. All the other typical birth procedures went slowly. The cord didn’t even get cut until 2 hours after birth. The midwives did home visits frequently that first week, then checks every other week until
All in all, I loved my home birth. I definitely want to do it again. In 2-3 more years! My birth made me feel empowered, confident, and strong. My home birth made me realize that women are warriors. Women deserve to be treated like goddesses in birth. Women have been birthing for thousands of years. We have the ability to bring life into the world. I believe that women need to reclaim this natural instinct and fight for the birth that they desire.
If you are curious or interested in home birth, here are some resources that helped me in preparation for a home birth:
http://www.dancingforbirth.com/
http://www.thebusinessofbeingborn.com/
http://www.milescircuit.com/
HOWEVER, I know that not everyone can or wants to birth at home. Also, I understand that many women do NOT share the same peaceful birth story as me. It is important that you share your story. If you’ve had a traumatic birth experience please take a look at The Traumatic Incarnation Validation Movement.
