Last week, the world of Facebook mom groups blew up with a viral post calling out the admins of the popular “Unicorn Moms” group. In the post, the Unicorn Moms group was referred to as a ‘cult’ and the admins were accused of “talking shit” about a women who had expressed a desire to harm herself. At its height, the Unicorn Moms group had a dedicated membership of 35 thousand women, a Facebook business page with close to the same amount of followers, and a successful online merchandise store. To date, the post has over 7.6 thousand comments and almost 2 thousand shares.
CAUTION: explicit language.
The controversy sparked conversation amongst our contributors about our own experiences in Facebook mom groups. Most of us moms know, making friends and momming isn’t always the easiest thing to do. That is why so many of us have turned to the comfort and support of online friends.
We started pondering whether or not Facebook mom groups are truly helpful or harmful. Here are our thoughts:
Claire:
I think Facebook mom groups can be helpful and I’ve received a lot of good advice from them, but larger ones can easily get out of control and break off with their own “mean girl” cliques. I also think a lot of issues come from people reading things with a certain tone that wasn’t intended by the writer and was implied by the reader. I always stick to the rule of, “Whatever happens on the internet stays on the internet.”
Erin B:
I’m a member of a few FaceBook mom groups. I don’t participate much because of the way certain members act. I don’t like bullying and don’t tolerate it. It is sad to me that groups “supporting” moms are so vicious and vindictive. That being said, I have removed myself from the ones that are mean and not at all beneficial. I am still a member of two FaceBook mom groups, but I don’t really interact with them. I stay on them for the occasional ‘momming’ tip that is helpful.
Jessica C:
Both! There’s a lot of support but then there’s a lot of gang mentality.
Annie:
We have one in our town called Corvallis Healthy Moms on a Budget and it’s the best ever! Supportive and helpful. Never ugly!
Crystal:
I once loved my mom group until the 2016 Presidential election. I realized everyone is totally open-minded and welcoming IF you have the same thoughts or views. If not, you’re racist, hateful, homophobic, and woman-hating. My mom group was vile and nasty. I felt called out for not being a Democrat. The clique crap was in full throttle for a few months and I stopped participating because I couldn’t take the hatefulness. It’s okay to not agree. But, you have to be respectful and kind individuals regardless.
I’m in a FaceBook mom group for parenting after a loss because all of us struggled with miscarriage and/or later losses. It’s very quiet and only has about 15 members. It’s perfect.
Chelsea:
I was part of two birth month FaceBook mom groups right around when my son was born but removed myself because it was clear several people spent all hours of the day on Facebook posting in the groups. So besides the constant notifications, I just couldn’t identify with the majority of the moms in them.
I started a mom meetup group in my area and it is a combination of a Facebook mom group for support and posting/holding local events for kids. It started with moms of under 1 year-olds and has grown to a large group of local women of kids of all ages!
Heather:
I think Facebook mom groups can be both helpful and harmful. I definitely think that you have be able to weed through the BS. Also, I always said that you have to take what others say on social media with a grain of salt. I don’t disclose anything to any social media group that I wouldn’t share with the entire world because there will always be trolls and people who get off on talking about other people.
Erin C:
Both, honestly. I LOVE 2 of my mom groups. Through the “normal” baby things that do not seem normal and the sense of community is great.
On the flip side, every person doesn’t live the same life, obviously. Disagreements often turn nasty and judgemental. We all want what we feel is best for our families and having someone talk poorly about personal choices really hurts.
When you find the right mom group, though, it is the most invaluable resource. At least for me and my family.
Stephanie:
I think they are a little bit of both. I find they are helpful for broader recommendations – like for doctors, specialists, places to have birthday parties, etc. But, I find if it’s a more personal issue, like getting an opinion on a MIL dispute or asking about crying it out for a baby that can’t sleep, that you always have a couple of moms who can’t help but judge. So, my advice is to proceed with caution. If it’s a personal issue, then you have to expect backlash and be able to deal with it. Personally, I only use them for the broader recommendations because I don’t want people gossiping about my business!
It seems most of our contributors have witnessed the ugly side of FaceBook mom groups. However, most have also expressed having had positive experiences in smaller FaceBook mom groups where they can be more personal and supportive. Also, positive experience seems to be prevalent in local Facebook mom groups where the Facebook component is utilized to plan meetups and stay in contact between them.