When many people see this picture they simply see a puzzle piece. Others may see it and be reminded of Autism Awareness. For me, when I see this, which happens to be a Scentsy warmer that has been in my house for the last 18 months, I see the journey that we “Officially” started August 24, 2017.
Even though we have known deep down that this was the path we were on for the better part of the past 3 years, it became official a year ago as we finally received a diagnosis. Many parents would be sad getting this diagnosis, and they would rightfully be allowed to feel that way. That hot August afternoon, as well as today, I feel as if I have a weight lifted off of me. A weight of uncertainty. I no longer have to wonder if I’m doing something wrong. I no longer have to wonder why my son isn’t quite like the rest. I no longer have to feel guilty that I get weird looks from strangers when my son is having a meltdown because he has gotten overwhelmed by something.
August 24, 2017, I was given answers… not all of them, but it’s a start. We have a diagnosis and a course of action. We were given a direction to head in to help us help our little man who is now four years old.
During this past year, I have often found myself taking days or weeks away from communicating with my friends who have “Neurotypical” children. Being the mother of a special needs child can be a lonely place. Whether friends tell you what they think you should be doing or minimizing what’s going on, they just don’t quite understand… and that’s not their fault so please remember that. I wear my son’s puzzle piece like a badge of honor on my chest most days. Not so people feel sorry for me, but so that other “Autism Parents” know that they are not alone. They know that someone understands, that someone is going down that exact same road.
In the past I have wondered if I could just shout from the rooftops to other Autism parents, what would I say? Well here is what I think I would tell them:
- It’s okay to step away from the idea of “Keeping up with the Jones’.” You will honestly need to do it for your own sanity.
- You are going to be completely overwhelmed by life and need a moment. And this is okay. Don’t feel guilty.
- You need to focus on yourself and your family.
- You need not compare your child to other kids their age. Comparing them will not help anyone and will most likely hurt in the long run.
- Take a moment to just “be”.
- Join a support group, whether it be a local in-person group or an online chat forum. You may only utilize the group once a year, but knowing that you have others that you can “call on” at any time can be a major stress reliever.
Even though we are a year down the road from our initial diagnosis, most days can still be a struggle. Most of the time, it’s just something minor. But then there are days that our only line of defense is to stay at home. You see, home is our “safe place”, the one location we can control for the most part. We can control the lights. The sounds, the extra stimulus….the things that could or should I say would overwhelm our little puzzle piece. I can’t tell you how many times we have had to turn down invites from friends and family for a get-together because our son was having an “off day”.
If I could give a few small pieces of advice to parents of neurotypical children that are friends with a child on the spectrum, it would be:
- Be their ear to listen. Often when they are venting to you, they are not looking for you to give them an “answer to their problem”, they are looking for a friend that cares enough just to listen and give them a hug.
- Be understanding when they say they can’t go out or have to cancel plans at the last minute. Truth be told, they are most likely more upset about canceling than you are.
- When you get the chance, remind them how important and special they are. Most parents of children on the spectrum fight the good fight daily. They don’t do it for the pat on the back or the “atta-boy” from the person standing next to them. They do it because they are trying to help their child be the absolute best version of themselves. Which is usually a very thankless job. A quick YOU’RE DOING A GREAT JOB goes further than you will truly ever know.
So that brings me to present day. Here we sit a year later and yes, we have implemented more therapies, etc. to help our son. But we are also presently waiting on final results from having our seven year old daughter tested as well. And like before, we feel we already know the answers we will receive.
Does going through it once make it any easier to go through it a second time? Yes and no. We know what to expect as far as testing, but no parent sets out to have a child on the spectrum, let alone two. But if I could have you take one thing away it would be this, don’t feel sorry for me or my children. We are each made in our own unique way and children are given to us for a reason. I firmly believe I was created to be these two angels’ mommy. I don’t ask why I was given these blessings, I simply look at them as my purpose.
