I signed up to be my daughter’s CCD/Faith Formation teacher for this year. This will be her first year in a program such as this since she is entering 1st grade. The idea of being a catechist was initially appealing to me because my mother was my CCD teacher growing up, and I loved it so much. Therefore, I wanted to do the same for my daughter.
Lately, however, I’ve been feeling so mixed about the Catholic Church. By now, I’m sure many of you have heard of the horrifying things done in Pennsylvania with priests sexually assaulting young, innocent children, and worst of all, the Catholic Church covering it up. More recently, these types of incidents really hit home when one of my best friend’s shared an article with me that her brother wrote, “I’m a Survivor of Priest Abuse—It’s Time to Break my Silence.” This, so eloquently written, article described how he was manipulated and abused by a priest. His article articulates how this particular priest had everyone fooled, from parents to the kids themselves…all looking up to him and seeing him as superior, when he was really a predator.
Between the incidents in PA and this article in particular, I have been questioning many things. How does one digest something so horrid from a religious organization that I’ve looked up to and believed in my whole life? My purpose here isn’t to make sense of what these priests did, because quite frankly, these men are sick and have a mentality that I will never be able to comprehend. My larger issue is the fact that the Catholic Church did not do anything to prevent these things from happening again. These priests were sent away, but then brought back to new parishes…still around children. How can I support a religion that would do such a thing?
Then, I think about my own personal experiences with priests and with the Catholic Church. My experiences have only been positive. Growing up, I used to cantor at masses while my mom played the organ and keyboard. We felt especially at home at one parish, where Father John supported and guided my mother through her divorce. Father John was such a nice man. While some may see divorce as sinful, he saw what was best for my mother, talked her through it, and relieved her of any guilt. THAT is what I remember about priests and THAT is what I remember about the Catholic Church the most: acceptance, understanding, and peace.
I’ve spoken to other Catholics and their feelings of confusion are similar; but why question an entire faith off of the wrongdoings of others? I still feel sad, angry, embarrassed and disgusted by what has happened. However, the Catholics that I know feel the same. I can hope now that everyone can heal, learn, and change how things are handled in the future (making sure that something like this NEVER happens again). At the end of the day, I’m not going to let these horrific people tarnish my faith. I am going to become a Catechist and pass along the positivity of the faith to my daughter and all of the children in her class. I am going to be a part of the Catholic community that uplifts, understands, and empowers.
