Change.
Change is hard.
Change is scary.
I always think of that song, “Ch-Ch-changes” (Changes by David Bowie, yes I had to google it). This month I am making a change in my job.
A little background. I worked at a job I enjoyed for 4 years but it was a little far from my home and my children. It was getting more and more challenging once C (5) was in school and I still had A (3) plus a 5-month-old at home. I was contacted by a recruiter via LinkedIn with an opportunity to be closer to home, better pay, and in management. Sounds amazing! I went through the process of hiring and started that job. It was closer and more money but the management was terrible. They mislead me about the hours, the agency, my actual job. My children had a bad run and got really sick at different times with croup (the 6-month-old at the time) and then a fever of 105 and an infection which lead to hospitalization (for the big one).
My supervisor was not supportive and said I should have been working while C was in the hospital!
I lost it.
I was fighting every day to go to work, I was miserable, depressed and anxious. I already am in treatment for depression and anxiety and this job was making me backslide into that abysmal hole. I was calling out of work, my productivity was terrible, my writing suffered. Several people at my old job contacted me and said that there was a management position available soon and I should apply.
I did and after proving myself in two intense interviews, I was offered the position.
I have spent the last 16 months working at improving myself and being a good leader. It has been hard. The first year was a blur of learning and absorbing everything. Personally I was digging myself out of an emotional hole. I finally felt fairly stable at home and work for the past 6 months.
Now another opportunity has come knocking within my agency (yes I know, corny). In my area there are two locations. The other location needs management and they have had a complete overhaul of that site. I have two amazing colleagues that are there and I made it official that I want to transfer there.
I’m terrified because of the change I did before. I really think I have trauma from leaving jobs. I don’t want to make a mistake. I don’t want to backslide emotionally. The new location will need a lot of support.
I know I can do it.
I have my transfer interview next week. Praying it goes well! The next year will be a fun challenge right? I’ll keep you all posted.