I have this weird thing with dates. I never forget the big dates. I always remember the date my husband left for boot camp, deployment, weird anniversaries (like when we broke up), and it always seems to be about the negative dates. I try to remember the negative dates and do something to make it a positive day.
November 14, 2005
I still remember the day my mom told me she had stage 4 breast cancer. I didn’t know what that meant. I’m glad Dr. Google wasn’t as common then. I didn’t know that stage 4 meant she was closer to the end of her life. I didn’t know stage 4 was just managing the symptoms and keeping it from spreading. I didn’t know that in 16 short months she would be gone.
Part of me wants to know why she overlooked the signs. She lost weight, she was sick, she couldn’t walk well and progressively was bedridden before we called the paramedics.
She had a lump. She ignored it.
I’m angry, hurt, sad, frustrated and a million other emotions. How could she not do anything about it? How could she do this to me? I tell myself that maybe she knew it was too far gone to come back from. I take peace in the thought that she did the best she could with the situation she was handed. I will elaborate more about our history in my post this Thursday about domestic violence.
My mom had a rough life.
Mentally I don’t know what she suffered from but I am pretty sure it was depression. She was in a bad marriage with my dad that ended in divorce. She called herself the black sheep of the family but she was the light of my life. She had various jobs but nothing steady and well paying. I don’t know how we did it, but we got by with very little.
Since she never had a consistent job, she did not have access to health insurance. Which is why I think she avoided the doctor. Healthcare is a whole different topic for another day. The bottom line is, she received pretty poor care and I am sure that led to a late diagnosis and poor treatment of her disease. She was just one of many in the hospital and nursing facility.
She was so sick I couldn’t care for her alone at home. She was placed in a nursing facility far from our house. Two hours in traffic. I stopped by there as often as I could while in college and working. When I graduated from college, she was able to watch me receive my diploma! I thought things would be better because she was able to get out of the nursing home for a day and be okay. I was wrong.
The months passed and she had a mastectomy in November 2006. Then, on February 10, 2007, I was with my then-boyfriend (now-husband) and she called telling me the cancer had spread to her bones, liver, and kidneys. She wanted more treatment and was going to start on Monday. The next day she was gone. I got a call from the hospital and missed it. I called back and got transferred all over the place. I don’t remember the words that were said. It’s all blank. I remember my then-boyfriend getting on the phone and asking what we should do now. I remember calling my aunt and telling her. I don’t remember much else from that day or the weeks that followed.
February 11, 2007
My whole life flipped upside down. She was my mom and best friend. It was always the two of us against the world. The only person in the world that loved me unconditionally was no longer there. She would dry my tears and now she wasn’t able to do that. I dried my own tears. I pulled myself out of that hole.
I’m a huge advocate for women’s exams, I donate, volunteer, do any fundraiser I can to support the journey to find a cure.
It is so important to always check yourself – every month! Here is a link with details and visuals for self-breast exams.
Here is a site you can go to and click to help fund mammograms.
