I think that for my first 5 years of “momming” I made no time for myself. At all. I had two boys very close together; 14 months apart to be exact. I used to joke that I was pregnant for two years straight and I still joke that I haven’t slept through the night in seven years. But, behind every joke, you’ll find some truth. And behind my jokes, for a long time, was an exhausted mama!
But, as they’ve grown, I’ve found the moments to myself are becoming more and more frequent. There were even, eventually, (incredibly joyous) moments when they would nap at the same time! And, I was no longer so unbelievably exhausted that I would just nap, too!
Lately, I’ve been finding pockets of time FOR MYSELF! I’ve started to take care of myself… the way I should have for years. I’ve made self care a priority.
I may have only recently started to see the light at the end of the tunnel, but saying there was a time when I completely neglected myself would be beyond an understatement. At one point I had a newborn, I was in the first trimester of my second pregnancy, I was working 40+ hours a week, and I was taking grad classes. I honestly don’t know how I did it. Like, seriously, when I look back, I see nothing but a hazy blur of diapers, morning sickness, other people’s kids, and research papers. Do you feel me?
If you do, then I’m here for you… and I’ve got a list of six, easy to implement, ways to add self care into your daily routine.
1. Go Shopping!
And not for the kids, for YOU.
Go to Target BY YOURSELF! It is that good. That’s why you’ve seen memes about it. And if they have a Starbucks at your Target location, you are so golden.
Splurge on something you’ve been eyeing up for a while or go for something little that makes you feel good about yourself: mascara, a book, a candle, pajamas. (Pro tip: you can get 5 pairs of super comfy, super cute, Gilligan & O’Malley undies at Target for only $20… and nothing feels better than new undies).
You deserve it. But, mostly you deserve the time alone treating yourself. Don’t rush home! Take your time and enjoy!
2. Talk to someone.
Anyone… but preferably someone over the age of 18.
Date night with your significant other is the obvious chance to talk to someone your age. It’s not only self-care in that you spend time getting dolled up and have an adult conversation. But, it’s also relationship care; and that’s super important, too.
If, what you really need is to vent ABOUT your significant other, get a girls night on your calendar! If your girls live close, head out with them or just sit in with pizza and wine. But talk, the way you can only talk to your girls. If girls nights aren’t your thing, you can still stay in touch with your friends. Group chat with my girls has been a lifesaver most days.
If you’re the new kid in town, like me, it’s important to get out and make adult connections to people, places, and your community. It helps you to feel a part of something bigger. It helps you to feel human.
Make community connections; whatever your community may be. Our second week in our new home, I mentioned going to Mass to my husband and he said, “Oh, we’re going to do that every week?” (as if we had only gone every week for the past ten years because I worked at a church -eye roll-). I looked at him, dumbfounded, for a moment… after two solid weeks where, other than him, the only adult contact I’d had was with the librarian, the checkout lady at Price Chopper, and the mailman (and yes, I’ve talked to all of them for awkwardly long amounts of time)… and said “Yes, Mike. I need to be around adults and be a part of something familiar”. I’m pretty sure he thought I was crazy.
And, if all else fails, see a therapist, if nothing else, it’s an hour a week where someone HAS to listen to you. Just kidding! Therapy is actually great.
3. Learn something new.
Expand your mind and your abilities.
Pick up a new hobby (maybe you can find a new hobby at Hobby Lobby). Try painting; then try painting with a twist. Maybe you’ll like knitting? You never know what you may love doing until you try.
Read a book! Pick a book about something you always wanted to learn about. Or, just read something for pleasure.
If you really want to learn something new, check out the course catalog at your local community college or see if your local library has any classes or learning opportunities. A course might be offered that will pique your interest. There are tons of affordable online course offerings, too, at places like DailyOM.
It is never too late to learn something new. Julia Child’s didn’t write her first cookbook until she was 50. Grandma Moses didn’t begin painting until she was 78.
4. Pray or Meditate.
A quiet moment, each day, with God or the universe is so important to your mental, spiritual, and emotional health. When I found no time for anything else, this is the one thing I’ve ALWAYS made time for even when my babies were tiny and waking through the night. Because what else do you do while feeding a baby in the quiet and still of the middle of the night (besides scroll through Buzzfeed)?
Now, I take about five minutes, each night, to reflect on my day. The highlights, what I could have done better, my hopes for the days to come, etc. I know I’ve shared this before, but I use the Reimagining the Examen app by Loyola Press. It’s a free download and so helpful in focusing my mind on positive reflection and opening my heart to grace, gratitude, and insight.
Whether you pray or meditate, finding time for reflection is so important because it helps you to acknowledge your day, the good, the bad, and the crazy. Sometimes, you need to look back in order to determine what you want going forward.
5. Workout.
It clears your head, gets your heart pumping and your blood flowing (which improves your complexion), and the ultimate benefit, YOU WILL LOOK BETTER.
Many times when we think about self-care, we focus on taking care of mind and soul, but we ignore the body. Because working out can be hard and it’s easy to be lazy. Or, you work so much, when you come home you just want to see your kids or watch Netflix, but definitely NOT go to the gym.
I feel you so much on this one. I HATE the gym. But there are plenty of ways to work out without going to the gym. Have you heard of Bikini Body Mommy? If not, check her out. You can do every workout in your living room. Or, pick up some workout DVDs before you checkout at Target. Maybe look into Beachbody on Demand.
Want to spend that time with your kids, instead? Why not do both? Take the kids for a walk or a hike. Ride bikes with them. If they are too little yet to ride on their own; get a bike trailer. Go canoeing with your kids! That is exactly what we will be doing tomorrow and my kids can’t wait. If you don’t have all the gear, keep it simple. My three-year-old and I literally have short races, from one thing to another, around our yard. Anything can become a workout when you have kids.
6. Eat.
Whether it is meal prepping and eating healthy or indulging in something sinfully good that you’ve fantasized about for weeks. Eat something that makes you happy. And if you’re like me, just eating anything, without the kids around, is what makes you happy.
I think every mom, at some point, has snuck somewhere to shovel something delicious down her throat before the kids can find her. DON’T DO THAT. Eat something slow and enjoy every second of it!
I feel like I could mention many more simple ways to add self care to your day-to-day… like take a long shower (by yourself), wash your face (prob sounds ridiculous but I forgot to do this almost EVERY NIGHT when I had babies), get a massage (try not to fall asleep on the table), get a new ‘do (or even just a wash and blow out- it feels sooo good when someone else washes your hair FOR YOU). But I also, sort of, feel like this is quickly turning into a fantasy of my perfect day.
All jokes aside; self care is important. Take care of yourself. Mind, body, and soul. You’ve only got one of each. It’s time to feel good.
