Awhile back, I wrote a piece about expectations matching up to reality. You might recall my example of my husband expecting dinner ready each night by a certain time and our timelines not quite matching up {like at all}. Then, a few weeks after I wrote that post, my brother-in-law was talking about a book, The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman. I read up a little on what it was all about and on a weekend trip to Barnes & Noble I picked up the book.
I’m not gonna like, the cover is super cheesy… as is the subtitle. Picture this {or just google it}, on the cover is a couple dancing on the beach in the sun. I know, super cheese. Who does that?! Then, the subtitle, “The Secret to Love that Lasts.” When I put the book on our pile to purchase, my husband looked at it and then looked at me with that look {like are you serious?}. I told him it was research for a blog post, but after doing my research I was kinda interested in what Mr. Chapman had to say. I’m also a self-help book junkie, as I shared before about planners and this other amazing Emily Ley book.
So, I know what you’re thinking… what are the 5 love languages and what does it mean? In a nutshell, Chapman {the author} talks about how most marriages suffer and some end in divorce because after the initial honeymoon period is over, we fail to express love to one another in that persons love language.
What are the 5 love languages?
- Words of Affirmation
- Acts of Service
- Receiving Gifts
- Quality Time
- Physical Touch
Words of Affirmation can be verbal compliments, kind words, encouraging words, and humble words. Chapman also suggests saying these things to other people when your spouse is not around and keeping a notebook of the words of affirmation you gave {in order to not repeat yourself}.
Acts of Service is basically doing things you know your spouse would like you to do. Think laundry, taking out the trash, washing the dishes, or a long put off chore. The idea behind this love language is that you thought doing this act would help ease their worry, stress, or workload.
Receiving Gifts should be a reminder of love {you thought of that person when buying or finding the gift, it’s not about the price of the gift, but the thought behind it}, the gift of self or presence {being there and present when your spouse needs you, especially in times of mourning}.
Quality Time is all about being together and not just being in the same room {Sorry, Netflix & Chill does not count}. This is one of my favorite lines from the chapter on Quality Time…”Some husbands and wives think they are spending time together when, in reality, they are only living in close proximity.” Wow. Did you just say to yourself, ‘oh, shit,’ cause I did?
Physical touch is pretty self-explanatory.
What I took away from this book is that if you’re speaking your love language to your spouse, that will only work in the long run if you have the same love language. Chapman shares thay you need to speak your partners love language and they need to speak yours to have a truly meaningful relationship.
What is your love language?
Some really nice stuff on this website, I really enjoy it.